Sometimes, a legal wedding is not what’s called for—but you can still have a ceremony!
There is an unexamined assumption that the only occasion for sharing promises and declaring feelings before the community must be an expensive affair that involves a gift registry, a meal, speeches and music and paperwork. These all have their place in society, but if you want to make a commitment that’s not quite a legal marriage, and you want to do it in front of witnesses, I will stand there with you.
One of the most important aspects of weddings is an old one: declaring intentions publicly. Marriage or not, this is a weighty and powerful act, every bit as significant as swearing to uphold the constitution or to tell the truth. These promises are oaths, which are so powerful that they are actually forbidden in some religious traditions.
Commitment ceremonies carry all the symbolic heft of those other formal vows, albeit without the force of human law to back them up. If you are publicly acknowledging a commitment between you and another, you might instead draw on the natural ethics inherent in the human condition; your ancestors and family name; one or more gods, saints, or other spirits; or your affirmed word that you intend on following through.
As with legal weddings, the role of the officiant is to ensure that everyone is ready to do their part. Ahead of time we would discuss whether readings or music is appropriate, and explore whether you wish to use rings or other tokens to memorialize your words. It is appropriate to write your own vows, but this is never required. Ceremonies are designed to reflect your values, and if reading your own words aloud before a live audience is not your dream come true, then we can explore some of the many options composed by others.
We make promises in public, in front of witnesses that can include both living humans and others, according to your beliefs, because it’s in that declaration that it feels like you really mean it. Your commitment may be only to stay together and share housekeeping for a year and a day, or you might promise to stand by each other until the end of days. What you promise is a reflection of your feelings and values.
There are commitment options no matter what your beliefs and preferences. No one is going to force you to swear an oath if you believe that this is forbidden. You don’t even need to list the specifics of your commitment at all. By choosing to commit to each other in a public ceremony, you have given the community an opportunity to support this decision. No vows are needed, if they do not feel comfortable.
If you are ready to commit, then please do contact me to discuss the process and current pricing for facilitating this public act of love and beauty.