Choosing your married names in New York

Choosing your married names in New York

Legal marriage is a moment when changing one’s name is relatively easy—but there can be limits on that privilege.

vintage wedding certificate (source: Wikimedia Commons)

In New York, it’s actually possible to change one’s name simply by changing it. Here’s what’s written on the state’s web site:

Every person has the right to adopt any name by which he or she wishes to be known simply by using that name consistently and without intent to defraud. A person’s last name (surname) does not automatically change upon marriage, and neither party to the marriage is required to change his or her last name. Parties to a marriage need not take the same last name.

While that’s a cromulent approach, having a legal record of a changed name is extremely helpful in our bureaucratic society. Marriage is an uncomplicated way to create that record, one that doesn’t carry with it any legal fees or other financial costs. It is also somewhat limited. Again, the information about name-change options for marriage from the official state source is as follows:

One or both parties to a marriage may elect to change the surname by which he or she wishes to be known after the marriage by entering the new name in the appropriate space provided on the marriage license. The new name must consist of one of the following options:

  • the surname of the other spouse;
  • any former surname of either spouse;
  • a name combining into a single surname all or a segment of the premarriage surname or any former surname of each spouse;
  • a combination name separated by a hyphen or a space, provided that each part of such combination surname is the premarriage surname, or any former surname, of each of the spouses.

One or both parties to a marriage may elect to change the middle name by which he or she wishes to be known after the marriage by entering the new name in the appropriate space provided on the marriage license. The new middle name must consist of one of the following options:

  • the current surname of the spouse electing to change his or her name;
  • any former surname of the spouse electing to change his or her name;
  • the surname of the other spouse.

There’s a nice guide to all the government officials who will need to be notified of your new name on wedding wire, but outside of that list, the information on that page isn’t entirely accurate. As of this writing, there’s a claim that state record-keepers are “open to pretty much anything you can come up with” when it comes to changing a name through a marriage; this is simply not true. You certainly can pursue another legal avenue to create a new name for yourself, but the criteria for a marital change are limited to those specified above. The text also leaves the impression that county clerks issue marriage licenses and certificates; this is false. These documents are obtained from a city or town clerk. Always trust information from an official source over what one might read on a corporate web site. Writers for these web sites—assuming that the text is written by humans at all, and not an artificial intelligence—may not have ever set foot in New York, and probably have churned out boilerplate articles without any editorial oversight to ensure that facts are checked for accuracy.

Similarly, there’s an article on the findlaw site about marital name changes that’s also not accurate when it comes to getting married in New York. The facts of that article were reviewed by an Ohio attorney, one who seems not to be aware of the peculiar limits in place in this state. There is certainly room for creativity, but the claim that it’s possible to “come up with a completely new and different name” is inconsistent with the New York health department information that’s shared here. That link is included because there’s an even more thorough list of entities to inform about the new name.

Your name is yours to cherish for life if you wish, but marriage in New York provides a straightforward way to make certain changes. Choose wisely.

When privacy about your wedding is a priority

When privacy about your wedding is a priority

Your privacy is more important than business promotion. If you need to keep pictures and video of your ceremony off the internet, that’s okay.

Weddings in the Gunks is a ministry of marriage, but it’s a ministry that is run like a business. That’s why permission to use images and videos from the ceremony is part of the standard contract: authentic content shows what to expect on your special day. Growing this business may one day allow me to devote my life to bringing this unique kind of joy into the lives of my clients. That’s why being able to share images and video is important to me.

Sometimes, it doesn’t feel okay to have images or video of this moment of joy shared by a third party. There are lots of different reasons for this, including privacy for high-profile individuals, or for those whose right to marry or very identity have become political and divisive in our culture. My priority is your wedding, not my promotion. If you need guardrails on what I will do with your content, then let’s talk about it.

To be clear, at Weddings in the Gunks I will marry any couple who is able to obtain a marriage license, and I will perform commitment ceremonies for whoever desires them. The only limits I place upon my work are the ones imposed by my body; if you want an officiant who is able to perform an underwater ceremony without breathing that lasts four minutes or longer, I may not be the best fit for you. I will never personally place limits on your relationship.

Yes, I really do appreciate using your wedding videos and video to show others that I do this work and that I love what I do, and you will be asked—but you never will be pressured. Your comfort, your privacy, and your safety are a priority. This is a ministry of joy, and that essential work would be undone if I left my clients with bad tastes in their mouths by trying to wheedle out of them something they aren’t comfortable sharing. I certainly hope my clients will be willing to leave a review, in any case.

If you’re interested in finding out if I am a good fit, why not contact me to schedule a video consultation?