tpw | weddings

Write your own vows with this rule of threes

by tpw | Aug 5, 2023 | wedding scripts

Writing your own wedding vows is a very romantic idea, but it’s not for everyone. Some folks freeze up at the thought of writing anything creative at all, some get scared at the sight of a blank page or screen, and there are also those from whom words flow like water. Which kind are you?

man in black suit holding womans hand — When you write your own vows, you can read them from your notes, or repeat after the officiant.

When the words are easy

Some people think more in words than anything else. If you’re that sort, then you might not need anything more than some time to think about your future spouse to get the ideas flowing. For you, letting it all out is exactly what you want to do first, but remember that everyone needs an editor. Human brains tend to filter out anything that is familiar, like the words you yourself wrote; that makes it hard to spot your own misteaks. It’s just our wiring. You’ll also want to try reading aloud whatever you come up with in front of a friend. Sometimes the words we choose as we write don’t sound as good as they look, and might take some tweaking to nail down the sentiment. You also want to know about how long it takes to read aloud; if you are going to repeat after your officiant, double that time. Ideally, both sets of vows should take roughly the same amount of time.

When you can’t find the right words

Words don’t come as easily to everyone, and that’s okay. All of our brains work differently, and yours might be more focused on colors, or emotions, or sensations, or music. You might need a little bit of prompting to find words that match how you feel about someone you’re about to commit to in a big and amazing way. Try breaking it down into smaller pieces with this rule of threes. Block out some time, by yourself or with someone close to you like a parent or friend that you would want in your wedding party, and jot down the following:

three things you love about your partner
three dreams to share
three promises to make

Once you have three of each (or two, or four; don’t sweat the numbers too much; when you’re done, you’re done), just write ’em up: “Robin, I love that when we met you were wearing my favorite shade of green, I love the sound of your laugh, and I love that you’ve never been to Muskogee. I want to raise puppies with you, and get season tickets to the Panthers together, and live in a purple house together. I promise that I will never criticize your driving, that I will not water the plants because I always kill them, and that you will be happier married to me than you ever have been before.”

You can also mix it up: “I love the sound of your laugh, I want to live in a purple house together, and promise not to water the plants.” Once you have the base material, it’s just about rearranging it—but skip that part if you are the sort to overthink it. If you’re grinding your teeth, you’re done, okay?

When writing is always stressful

For some of us, writing and reading are a major headache. If you get massive anxiety at the idea of writing vows, you might want to focus your creativity on other wedding planning and give this part a pass. There are a lot of lovely wedding vows out there on the internet that you can choose to use instead. It will be lovely either way.

On the other hand, if you don’t like to write but you really, really want your wedding vows to be in your words, talk to me! I’ve been interviewing people since I was 13 years old, and turning what they tell me into a written words. Talking uses a different part of the brain than writing, and I can help you find words to match how you feel. Helping you tell your own story is what I’m here to do.

Officiating your naturist wedding

by tpw | Jun 8, 2023 | ceremony ideas

Not everyone stresses over what to wear to their own wedding.

Not everyone stresses over how to dress the wedding party.

Not everyone thinks about how the parents’ outfits will look together in wedding pictures.

There are some who feel that being clothed in the sky is the best way to dress for one’s wedding—that is to say that they want to get married naked. Nudity is how we come into this world, and there are those who want to mark this profound rite of passage dressed in the same way.

I officiate naturist and nudist weddings. It’s not my place to tell you how to dress for your own wedding, or to tell you what to ask your wedding party or guests to wear, either. I support the idea that not wearing clothing is natural and healthy, even though it’s not a lifestyle I practice.

Tips for planning a nudist wedding

Communicate with your wedding party, vendors, and guests as early as possible. Make sure everyone who will be attending or participating understands who is expected not to be wearing clothing, and when. Be prepared to answer all questions, even if they seem silly: this can be a way that your loved ones process a new experience.
Make plans without pockets:
- rings, handfasting cords, and other items either need to be carried by hand, or placed up front ahead of time.
- if you’re writing your own vows, make sure your attendant is ready with a copy for you to read—even if the plan is to memorize them. Memories can fail when you’re nervous.
- make sure that there’s a pen available, for signing the marriage license
Have sunscreen available if the ceremony or reception will be outside, especially if some of your guests don’t spend as much time in the sun as they may on your special day.

No matter how you wish to dress for your wedding, I will work with you to create the ceremony that roots you in the magic of this moment. Contact me for a quote.

Handfasting as part of your wedding

by tpw | May 5, 2023 | ceremony ideas, wedding scripts

One of the first weddings I performed included a handfasting, which brought my life in a full circle: my first serious romantic relationship was solemnized with a handfasting instead of marriage. Handfasting is a ceremony with deep Celtic roots that involves wrapping the hands of the couple together with a cord to show that they are united. There’s a special technique that’s used, which when done properly allows each of the couple to grasp and end of the cord and “tie the knot” as they pull their hands apart.

During the handfasting itself, I’ll say something along these lines:

As your hands are now bound together, so your lives are joined in a union of love and trust.
The eternity knot of this binding symbolizes the vows you have made.
Like the stars, your love should be a constant source of light, and like the earth, a fine foundation on which to grow.
May this knot of love remain forever tied, and may these hands be blessed.
May they always hold one another.
May they have the strength to hold on tightly during the storms of life.
May they remain tender and gentle as they nurture each other.

Handfasting seems to have very old roots as a tradition to join lives, perhaps older than the traditional American wedding. Some couples choose to replace an exchange of rings with a handfasting, while others want to include both of these unity ceremonies in their own custom wedding. During a workshop session, I help my clients decide what unity ceremonies are going to be the most meaningful for symbolize this commitment to one another.

This form of tying the knot can also be used as a commitment ceremony on its own; this is perfect for adults who want an open acknowledgement of their shared lives without necessarily making the legal commitment of marriage right now, such as for at the beginning of an engagement, or when the relationship involves more than two individuals.

Officiating your platonic wedding

by tpw | Apr 11, 2023 | ceremony ideas

When I officiate a wedding, part of what I want to do is tell a story, because stories are central to the human experience. Our brains are organized around stories, and your wedding guests are there because this is part of your story.

For many of my clients, that story is a love story, but that’s not the only option. A wedding does not require romantic love, and there are many benefits that are only available to legally married couples. Platonic weddings are a cromulent way to join two lives, and those are stories that are just as interesting to tell.

Thanks to the current legal landscape in the United States, gender is not a barrier; any two consenting adults can be married. Health benefits, tax breaks, real estate ownership schemes, and many other rights are available to married couples that wouldn’t be available to adults who just happen to share a home.

It’s true that some couples choose to downplay the platonic nature of their relationship; that’s a personal choice. Others do want a custom ceremony that celebrates their friendship, and their love. Many of the typical wedding vows might not feel right in these cases, but that’s the advantage of hiring an officiant with years of experience interviewing people and telling their stories.

Are you interested in a wedding ceremony that is built around your story? Contact me for more information.

When you don’t want to write your own vows

by tpw | Mar 26, 2023 | wedding scripts

I create custom wedding ceremonies, but not everyone wants to use custom wedding vows. That’s perfectly okay! A familiar set of words can anchor a ceremony, which can be especially important if you want nontraditional elements in your ceremony, as well.

Writing your own vows can be very romantic, but for some people that extra task is going to be the one that tips you over into event-planning anxiety. Choose any of the below scripts, and we can use it whole cloth or tweak whatever wording you’d like.

Here are some examples of vows, adapted from the eminent folks at Unboring Weddings, that you can read to each other, or repeat after me. No writing or memorization is required.

More traditional

I, __________
do take you, __________ ;
to be my wedded spouse,
in the holy estate of marriage,
to have and to hold
from this day forward,
for better for worse,
for richer for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
I will love you and cherish you,
all the days of my life,
in the presence of the divine and these loved ones,
I give you this promise.

Join my life with yours

I, __________, take you, __________,
to be my spouse,
my partner, and friend.
To join my life with yours,
to share with you all that is to be, to laugh with you in joy,
to comfort you in sorrow,
to grow with you in love.
I will honor you
and be faithful to you,
all the days of my life.
This is my vow.

You are my choice

Today, I choose you
to be my spouse.
I vow to love you,
encourage you,
trust you, and respect you.
I accept you as you are,
and I offer myself in return.
I will care for you,
and stand beside you.
I will share with you all of life’s adversities,
and all of its joys,
from this day forward,
and all the days of my life.

From Jewish tradition

Today I ask
that you be a companion
and a spouse to me
with your consent and with your full knowledge.
May this marriage be a covenant
of partnership and trust
as we work to build a life together:
sometimes in unison, sometimes in harmony.
Today I bind myself to you
with respect, with love,
with friendship and with joy,
so that we may be companions and lovers
until the end of our days.

Spiritual, not religious

I, __________, take you, __________,
to be my spouse.
I promise to choose you every day,
to love you in word and deed,
to do the hard work
of making now into always.
To laugh with you and cry with you,
to grow with you, and create with you.
To honor the divinity in you,
of you, and around you.
To be your kin and your partner
in all of life’s adventures.
Loving what I know of you
and trusting what I don’t yet know,
I give you my hand.
I give you my love.
I give you myself.

What you are to me

You are my lover and my teacher,
you are my model and my partner,
and you are my true counterpart.
I will love you,
hold you and honor you.
I will respect you,
encourage you and cherish you,
in health and sickness,
through sorrow and success,
for all the days of my life.