When I officiate a wedding, part of what I want to do is tell a story, because stories are central to the human experience. Our brains are organized around stories, and your wedding guests are there because this is part of your story.
For many of my clients, that story is a love story, but that’s not the only option. A wedding does not require romantic love, and there are many benefits that are only available to legally married couples. Platonic weddings are a cromulent way to join two lives, and those are stories that are just as interesting to tell.
Thanks to the current legal landscape in the United States, gender is not a barrier; any two consenting adults can be married. Health benefits, tax breaks, real estate ownership schemes, and many other rights are available to married couples that wouldn’t be available to adults who just happen to share a home.
It’s true that some couples choose to downplay the platonic nature of their relationship; that’s a personal choice. Others do want a custom ceremony that celebrates their friendship, and their love. Many of the typical wedding vows might not feel right in these cases, but that’s the advantage of hiring an officiant with years of experience interviewing people and telling their stories.
Are you interested in a wedding ceremony that is built around your story? Contact me for more information.
I create custom wedding ceremonies, but not everyone wants to use custom wedding vows. That’s perfectly okay! A familiar set of words can anchor a ceremony, which can be especially important if you want nontraditional elements in your ceremony, as well.
Writing your own vows can be very romantic, but for some people that extra task is going to be the one that tips you over into event-planning anxiety. Choose any of the below scripts, and we can use it whole cloth or tweak whatever wording you’d like.
Here are some examples of vows, adapted from the eminent folks at Unboring Weddings, that you can read to each other, or repeat after me. No writing or memorization is required.
More traditional
I, __________ do take you, __________ ; to be my wedded spouse, in the holy estate of marriage, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, I will love you and cherish you, all the days of my life, in the presence of the divine and these loved ones, I give you this promise.
Join my life with yours
I, __________, take you, __________, to be my spouse, my partner, and friend. To join my life with yours, to share with you all that is to be, to laugh with you in joy, to comfort you in sorrow, to grow with you in love. I will honor you and be faithful to you, all the days of my life. This is my vow.
You are my choice
Today, I choose you to be my spouse. I vow to love you, encourage you, trust you, and respect you. I accept you as you are, and I offer myself in return. I will care for you, and stand beside you. I will share with you all of life’s adversities, and all of its joys, from this day forward, and all the days of my life.
From Jewish tradition
Today I ask that you be a companion and a spouse to me with your consent and with your full knowledge. May this marriage be a covenant of partnership and trust as we work to build a life together: sometimes in unison, sometimes in harmony. Today I bind myself to you with respect, with love, with friendship and with joy, so that we may be companions and lovers until the end of our days.
Spiritual, not religious
I, __________, take you, __________, to be my spouse. I promise to choose you every day, to love you in word and deed, to do the hard work of making now into always. To laugh with you and cry with you, to grow with you, and create with you. To honor the divinity in you, of you, and around you. To be your kin and your partner in all of life’s adventures. Loving what I know of you and trusting what I don’t yet know, I give you my hand. I give you my love. I give you myself.
What you are to me
You are my lover and my teacher, you are my model and my partner, and you are my true counterpart. I will love you, hold you and honor you. I will respect you, encourage you and cherish you, in health and sickness, through sorrow and success, for all the days of my life.
