Your privacy is more important than business promotion. If you need to keep pictures and video of your ceremony off the internet, that’s okay.
Weddings in the Gunks is a ministry of marriage, but it’s a ministry that is run like a business. That’s why permission to use images and videos from the ceremony is part of the standard contract: authentic content shows what to expect on your special day. Growing this business may one day allow me to devote my life to bringing this unique kind of joy into the lives of my clients. That’s why being able to share images and video is important to me.
Sometimes, it doesn’t feel okay to have images or video of this moment of joy shared by a third party. There are lots of different reasons for this, including privacy for high-profile individuals, or for those whose right to marry or very identity have become political and divisive in our culture. My priority is your wedding, not my promotion. If you need guardrails on what I will do with your content, then let’s talk about it.
To be clear, at Weddings in the Gunks I will marry any couple who is able to obtain a marriage license, and I will perform commitment ceremonies for whoever desires them. The only limits I place upon my work are the ones imposed by my body; if you want an officiant who is able to perform an underwater ceremony without breathing that lasts four minutes or longer, I may not be the best fit for you. I will never personally place limits on your relationship.
Yes, I really do appreciate using your wedding videos and video to show others that I do this work and that I love what I do, and you will be asked—but you never will be pressured. Your comfort, your privacy, and your safety are a priority. This is a ministry of joy, and that essential work would be undone if I left my clients with bad tastes in their mouths by trying to wheedle out of them something they aren’t comfortable sharing. I certainly hope my clients will be willing to leave a review, in any case.
If you’re interested in finding out if I am a good fit, why not contact me to schedule a video consultation?
Sand ceremonies are a beautiful act of unity, with sand from more than one container being combined in much the same way that our lives are combined in marriage. Some of my wedding clients want to celebrate the individuality that continues even when lives are deeply combined. When I hear that desire, I often suggest a sand ceremony. It’s possible to pick out the individual grains, I point out, but they are also changed by being together.
There’s another ceremony I facilitate, a blending of the home soils. It’s not always as colorful, but it can strike a chord. Like a sand ceremony, it involves combining something from each party to the marriage. Instead of sands that might be selected for grain size or color, among other factors, the home soil is dug from wherever is home and mixed in a pot or bowl. It can be kept in a decorative container in the post-wedding home, or it can be used for planting, representing this new life together in a visceral way.
Interested in learning more about incorporating forms of earth into your ceremony? Contact me for a consultation.
Like many modern wedding traditions, jumping the broom has many stories about its origin and purpose, and it’s a ceremony that holds different meaning for different people who do it. The practice may have developed independently in Wales and the American South, and according to folklore the common element is that the broom was jumped by oppressed people who weren’t allowed a legal marriage: the Romani in Wales, and enslaved African Americans in the USA.
Drawing on those traditional understandings, jumping the broom is a way to honor ancestors and their struggles, or to express solidarity with others who have been oppressed.
There is also religious symbolism that can be seen in the broom. Some christians see the handle as representing their deity, and the bristles their families. In certain pagan traditions, the broom represents a blending of masculine and feminine energies. More broadly, jumping the broom is considered a blessing upon the marriage.
If you’re trying to bring together various ideas to create your wedding ceremony, you’re in the right place. Ceremony consultation is part of the officiant service at Weddings in the Gunks.
Writing your own wedding vows is a very romantic idea, but it’s not for everyone. Some folks freeze up at the thought of writing anything creative at all, some get scared at the sight of a blank page or screen, and there are also those from whom words flow like water. Which kind are you?
When you write your own vows, you can read them from your notes, or repeat after the officiant.
When the words are easy
Some people think more in words than anything else. If you’re that sort, then you might not need anything more than some time to think about your future spouse to get the ideas flowing. For you, letting it all out is exactly what you want to do first, but remember that everyone needs an editor. Human brains tend to filter out anything that is familiar, like the words you yourself wrote; that makes it hard to spot your own misteaks. It’s just our wiring. You’ll also want to try reading aloud whatever you come up with in front of a friend. Sometimes the words we choose as we write don’t sound as good as they look, and might take some tweaking to nail down the sentiment. You also want to know about how long it takes to read aloud; if you are going to repeat after your officiant, double that time. Ideally, both sets of vows should take roughly the same amount of time.
When you can’t find the right words
Words don’t come as easily to everyone, and that’s okay. All of our brains work differently, and yours might be more focused on colors, or emotions, or sensations, or music. You might need a little bit of prompting to find words that match how you feel about someone you’re about to commit to in a big and amazing way. Try breaking it down into smaller pieces with this rule of threes. Block out some time, by yourself or with someone close to you like a parent or friend that you would want in your wedding party, and jot down the following:
three things you love about your partner
three dreams to share
three promises to make
Once you have three of each (or two, or four; don’t sweat the numbers too much; when you’re done, you’re done), just write ’em up: “Robin, I love that when we met you were wearing my favorite shade of green, I love the sound of your laugh, and I love that you’ve never been to Muskogee. I want to raise puppies with you, and get season tickets to the Panthers together, and live in a purple house together. I promise that I will never criticize your driving, that I will not water the plants because I always kill them, and that you will be happier married to me than you ever have been before.”
You can also mix it up: “I love the sound of your laugh, I want to live in a purple house together, and promise not to water the plants.” Once you have the base material, it’s just about rearranging it—but skip that part if you are the sort to overthink it. If you’re grinding your teeth, you’re done, okay?
When writing is always stressful
For some of us, writing and reading are a major headache. If you get massive anxiety at the idea of writing vows, you might want to focus your creativity on other wedding planning and give this part a pass. There are a lot of lovely wedding vows out there on the internet that you can choose to use instead. It will be lovely either way.
On the other hand, if you don’t like to write but you really, really want your wedding vows to be in your words, talk to me! I’ve been interviewing people since I was 13 years old, and turning what they tell me into a written words. Talking uses a different part of the brain than writing, and I can help you find words to match how you feel. Helping you tell your own story is what I’m here to do.
Not everyone stresses over what to wear to their own wedding.
Not everyone stresses over how to dress the wedding party.
Not everyone thinks about how the parents’ outfits will look together in wedding pictures.
There are some who feel that being clothed in the sky is the best way to dress for one’s wedding—that is to say that they want to get married naked. Nudity is how we come into this world, and there are those who want to mark this profound rite of passage dressed in the same way.
I officiate naturist and nudist weddings. It’s not my place to tell you how to dress for your own wedding, or to tell you what to ask your wedding party or guests to wear, either. I support the idea that not wearing clothing is natural and healthy, even though it’s not a lifestyle I practice.
Tips for planning a nudist wedding
Communicate with your wedding party, vendors, and guests as early as possible. Make sure everyone who will be attending or participating understands who is expected not to be wearing clothing, and when. Be prepared to answer all questions, even if they seem silly: this can be a way that your loved ones process a new experience.
Make plans without pockets:
rings, handfasting cords, and other items either need to be carried by hand, or placed up front ahead of time.
if you’re writing your own vows, make sure your attendant is ready with a copy for you to read—even if the plan is to memorize them. Memories can fail when you’re nervous.
make sure that there’s a pen available, for signing the marriage license
Have sunscreen available if the ceremony or reception will be outside, especially if some of your guests don’t spend as much time in the sun as they may on your special day.
No matter how you wish to dress for your wedding, I will work with you to create the ceremony that roots you in the magic of this moment. Contact me for a quote.
