The unity ceremony of drinking from a quaich carries deep and poignant symbolism with it. A quaich is a two-handled cup traditionally made from wood, but many modern versions are metal. While any beverage may be consumed from a quaich, it is most strongly associated with Scotch whisky. The word “quaich” derives from an older Scottish word for “cup,” which means both that “quaich cup” is redundant, and that “quaich” is a common noun that requires no capitalization. However, the etymology is only one interesting aspect of this object, which has taken on a special role in Scots and Scottish-inspired weddings.
During a wedding, the couple together drains the quaich as a way of proclaiming that they are family. This video gives more context.
There are many versions of the traditional words that can be said before, during, and after the quaich is emptied; my clients are welcome to ask for something more aligned with their values, as well.
Variations for a quaich ceremony include:
having the quaich filled by a friend or family member,
selecting a beverage other than whisky, including possibly a blend of liquids,
turning the cup upside-down on a table, or on the head of one of the couple, and
having the cup served by members of the family or wedding party, instead of to each other.
A concept that is central to the sharing of the quaich is that by sharing this cup, you can’t do harm or injury to one another.
If you’d like a custom wedding ceremony that includes a quaich or another tradition that speaks to your own values, reach out for a free consultation.
The goal of any legal wedding—and a decent number of other commitment ceremonies—is to seal the deal with “I do” or other language that clearly states, “Yes, I will marry you.” How we get to that point of the wedding, what comes before and after, and all the rest is, in New York at least, pretty much up to you. That’s why every ceremony offered through Weddings in the Gunks is created using a collaborative process that ensures that it is going to reflect your values.
One of the basic decisions in the classic American wedding format is whether this portion of the event is going to be phrased as a question, or a call-and-response process, or if the words will memorized ahead or time or read from the page entirely by the couple themselves.
Here’s the language that many will find familiar, if not from their own experience, from popular culture:
Do you take this person to be your lawfully wedded spouse, to have and to hold from this day forward, in sickness and in health, in poverty and in wealth, for as long as you both shall live?
This is the declaration of intent, which is central to any wedding. In this format, each person would respond to the question with the classic “I do,” which is what everyone is there to witness.
When it’s done as a call and response, the officiant feeds the words to each participant:
Repeat after me: “I, Chrysanthemum,”
“I, Chrysanthemum,”
“take you, Pennyfarthing,”
“take you, Pennyfarthing,”
“to be my lawfully wedded spouse,”
“to be my lawfully wedded spouse,”
“to have and to hold,”
“to have and to hold,”
“from this day forward,”
“from this day forward,”
“in sickness and in health,”
“in sickness and in health,”
“for richer or for poorer,”
“for richer or for poorer,”
“for as long as we both shall live.”
“for as long as we both shall live.”
There is no explicit “I do,” but the declaration of intent remains.
In the third variant, you’ll either memorize the whole shebang, or have it printed in a handy format to read aloud. (Your Weddings in the Gunks officiant always has a copy of the entire script, which will come in handy just in case something goes awry with and there’s nothing to read from.)
How do you want to get to “I do?” The choice is up to you.
In New York, it’s actually possible to change one’s name simply by changing it. Here’s what’s written on the state’s web site:
Every person has the right to adopt any name by which he or she wishes to be known simply by using that name consistently and without intent to defraud. A person’s last name (surname) does not automatically change upon marriage, and neither party to the marriage is required to change his or her last name. Parties to a marriage need not take the same last name.
While that’s a cromulent approach, having a legal record of a changed name is extremely helpful in our bureaucratic society. Marriage is an uncomplicated way to create that record, one that doesn’t carry with it any legal fees or other financial costs. It is also somewhat limited. Again, the information about name-change options for marriage from the official state source is as follows:
One or both parties to a marriage may elect to change the surname by which he or she wishes to be known after the marriage by entering the new name in the appropriate space provided on the marriage license. The new name must consist of one of the following options:
the surname of the other spouse;
any former surname of either spouse;
a name combining into a single surname all or a segment of the premarriage surname or any former surname of each spouse;
a combination name separated by a hyphen or a space, provided that each part of such combination surname is the premarriage surname, or any former surname, of each of the spouses.
One or both parties to a marriage may elect to change the middle name by which he or she wishes to be known after the marriage by entering the new name in the appropriate space provided on the marriage license. The new middle name must consist of one of the following options:
the current surname of the spouse electing to change his or her name;
any former surname of the spouse electing to change his or her name;
the surname of the other spouse.
There’s a nice guide to all the government officials who will need to be notified of your new name on wedding wire, but outside of that list, the information on that page isn’t entirely accurate. As of this writing, there’s a claim that state record-keepers are “open to pretty much anything you can come up with” when it comes to changing a name through a marriage; this is simply not true. You certainly can pursue another legal avenue to create a new name for yourself, but the criteria for a marital change are limited to those specified above. The text also leaves the impression that county clerks issue marriage licenses and certificates; this is false. These documents are obtained from a city or town clerk. Always trust information from an official source over what one might read on a corporate web site. Writers for these web sites—assuming that the text is written by humans at all, and not an artificial intelligence—may not have ever set foot in New York, and probably have churned out boilerplate articles without any editorial oversight to ensure that facts are checked for accuracy.
Similarly, there’s an article on the findlaw site about marital name changes that’s also not accurate when it comes to getting married in New York. The facts of that article were reviewed by an Ohio attorney, one who seems not to be aware of the peculiar limits in place in this state. There is certainly room for creativity, but the claim that it’s possible to “come up with a completely new and different name” is inconsistent with the New York health department information that’s shared here. That link is included because there’s an even more thorough list of entities to inform about the new name.
Your name is yours to cherish for life if you wish, but marriage in New York provides a straightforward way to make certain changes. Choose wisely.
Your privacy is more important than business promotion. If you need to keep pictures and video of your ceremony off the internet, that’s okay.
Weddings in the Gunks is a ministry of marriage, but it’s a ministry that is run like a business. That’s why permission to use images and videos from the ceremony is part of the standard contract: authentic content shows what to expect on your special day. Growing this business may one day allow me to devote my life to bringing this unique kind of joy into the lives of my clients. That’s why being able to share images and video is important to me.
Sometimes, it doesn’t feel okay to have images or video of this moment of joy shared by a third party. There are lots of different reasons for this, including privacy for high-profile individuals, or for those whose right to marry or very identity have become political and divisive in our culture. My priority is your wedding, not my promotion. If you need guardrails on what I will do with your content, then let’s talk about it.
To be clear, at Weddings in the Gunks I will marry any couple who is able to obtain a marriage license, and I will perform commitment ceremonies for whoever desires them. The only limits I place upon my work are the ones imposed by my body; if you want an officiant who is able to perform an underwater ceremony without breathing that lasts four minutes or longer, I may not be the best fit for you. I will never personally place limits on your relationship.
Yes, I really do appreciate using your wedding videos and video to show others that I do this work and that I love what I do, and you will be asked—but you never will be pressured. Your comfort, your privacy, and your safety are a priority. This is a ministry of joy, and that essential work would be undone if I left my clients with bad tastes in their mouths by trying to wheedle out of them something they aren’t comfortable sharing. I certainly hope my clients will be willing to leave a review, in any case.
If you’re interested in finding out if I am a good fit, why not contact me to schedule a video consultation?
Sand ceremonies are a beautiful act of unity, with sand from more than one container being combined in much the same way that our lives are combined in marriage. Some of my wedding clients want to celebrate the individuality that continues even when lives are deeply combined. When I hear that desire, I often suggest a sand ceremony. It’s possible to pick out the individual grains, I point out, but they are also changed by being together.
There’s another ceremony I facilitate, a blending of the home soils. It’s not always as colorful, but it can strike a chord. Like a sand ceremony, it involves combining something from each party to the marriage. Instead of sands that might be selected for grain size or color, among other factors, the home soil is dug from wherever is home and mixed in a pot or bowl. It can be kept in a decorative container in the post-wedding home, or it can be used for planting, representing this new life together in a visceral way.
Interested in learning more about incorporating forms of earth into your ceremony? Contact me for a consultation.
